Obituary For Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. His condition was worsened by reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. His health declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin, sun lotion or a band aid to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live, as churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when people lost the right to defend themselves from burglars in their own homes -- when burglars were able to sue them for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman spilled a little hot coffee on her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement from the restaurant that served it to her.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.